The Morning Report 1: Alice in Wonderland

 ''We don't want any weeds in *our* bed!"

Background: Alice in Wonderland (1951)
Directed by: Clyde Geronimi, Wilfred Jackson, Hamilton Luske
Produced by: Walt Disney
Written by: Winston Hibler, Ted Sears, Bill Peet, Erdman Penner, Joe Rinaldi, Milt Banta, William Cottrell, Dick Kelsey, Joe Grant, Dick Huemer, Del Connell, Tom Oreb, John Walbridge
Based on: Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll
Music by: Oliver Wallace
Starring: Kahtryn Beaumont, Sterling Holloway, Verna Felton, Bill Thompson

Based off of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass" by Lewis Carroll, this movie is disjointed and very trippy.  The plot is pretty much "oh look a rabbit, oops I fell, what the hell is all this bullshit?? talking flowers?  smoking caterpillars?, LOL i was just dreaming."

Swoonworthiness: The Mad Hatter - 0

Muthtard? Leth not be thilly!

Visible lisp and bad sunburn.  We award you no points.

Boxed Lunch: Alice - 5

Hey, cutie!

Okay so we know that Alice is too young to be considered a "boxed lunch", but that doesn't change the fact that we think she's super cute.  Her mannerisms and voice acting make her adorable! Not to mention everyone wants to be her - slutty Alice costumes are pretty much standard fare for Halloween.  

Bitch Factor: Alice - 6

"You fat, pompous, bad-tempered, old tyrant!"

Alice really just throws a bunch of little tantrums and makes snippy faces at everyone.  It wasn't until the end of the movie when she tells the menopausal Queen (that wants her dead, by the way) that she's *gasp* FAT!  We were like, "DAAAAANG!  Alice is a bitch!"  And it's true.  

Kickass Factor: Alice - 8

Bring it, bitches. 

She pretty much handles all the bizarre shit in the movie LIKE A BOSS.  We know we would have been crying as soon as we fell down that stupid hole.  But not Alice!  She tromps on never losing sight of her goal to find the chronically late White Rabbit.

True Loves First Kiss:  Dandy Lions - 1

Smoosh smoosh.

The Dandy Lion kiss, while really cute, is such a fleeting moment in the film that it doesn't really count. However, because this is the ONLY kiss in the movie we had to rate it.  And we gave it a 1.  

Villains: Queen of Hearts - 2

"I just want your love and acceptance!"

Panties in a bunch, Queenie?

Disney tries to play her off as an evil queen, but really she's just a menopausal attention-whore.  Like you've never had a bad day.

Animal Friends: Dinah - 3

Look at the kitty! Look! Awwww.

Dinah, Alice's cat, has cute mannerisms and a couple of "awwww" moments.  She gets points for listening to Alice talk nonsense to herself and at least seeming interested but she's overall a pretty minor character (and not to mention she has creepy-ass cat eyes). 

Awful Appendages: The Caterpillar -5

I'm going to vomit.

Awful appendages? The caterpillar has six. And they're all long and a grody shade of pink. No thanks. 

Story: 2.5

Wakey, wakey!

The whole premise of Alice in Wonderland is basically that it's all just a dream (more like a trippy, what-the-hell-just happened nightmare)! But that's the oldest trick in the book and it really didn't have a very concise, clear plot.  That may be Lewis Carroll's fault more than Disney's but then again Disney did have like thirteen writers for this movie.  Way to go, guys!  My brain has no idea what it just watched.

Songs/Music: 3

Originally we were going to say, "the music, what little there is, is pleasant enough".  But then we read somewhere that Alice in Wonderland actually holds the record for having the most songs in a Disney movie! It's just because the songs are so short (some are only seconds long) and dumb that no one really cares or notices.  The music was pleasant enough but nothing really stands out to us as a Disney masterpiece.  

Animation/Cinematography: 4

The popular Mary Blair was the art director for this movie and we can tell!  She actually did most of the original backgrounds for the film too.  Her trademark use of color and shapes makes the movie watchable even if it is just one big acid trip.  

Casting/Voice Acting:7

Kathryn Beaumont as Alice?  Perfect!

We would say the voice acting is pretty darn good, but we're biased because we like Kathryn Beaumont (who also voices Wendy in Peter Pan).  There were some pretty standard names in this movie for the time like Sterling Holloway who also went on to voice Winnie the Pooh and Kaa from the Jungle book.  All-in-all the voice acting was legit.  

Notable Scenes: The Mad Tea Party - 3

This is pretty much what most people conjure up when they think of Alice in Wonderland.  And it's all downhill from here.

Are You Afraid of the Dark: 3

We're gonna getcha!

There really aren't any truly frightening scenes in this movie.  There are some stressful parts like when Alice is lost in the forest and when the queen wants to put Alice on trial, but it's nothing that's going to haunt you in your dreams.  I guess the scene that got us the most is right at the end when all the characters are chasing her because man, oh man I do not like to be chased.  

Quotable Quotes: 2

 

There weren't too many quotable quotes, but our favorites were "She's stark raving mad!" and when the White Rabbit is calling Alice "Marianne!".  It got a laugh out of us.  

OVERALL DISNEY MAGIC: 3.5

The movie gets a lot of hype but for us it just doesn't cut it.  We liked the movie but it just doesn't leave that warm, fuzzy feeling inside that we associate with "Disney Magic".