Hello and welcome to the First Annual Disney Princess Hunger Games! Here are the tributes that have been selected over the last three reapings and the scores awarded to them by the gamemakers.
Yowza! This will be some cat fight! A little sad to see poor, tiny Penny with her rating of zero. There's GOT to be some sort of law against that. But you can't win them all! And if we were Snow White and Aurora we'd sure be hittin' the bottle hard. Ouch. Snow White, how do you feel about having the lowest score of the bunch? Do you think you stand a chance?
"Well I sure am I trying my hardest, but I'm counting on my seven little men to help me out! Grumpy, you'll send me a parachute won't you?"
Well, okay Snow White... good luck. Moving on, so Pocahontas you and Nala are the highest scoring tributes. What do you think your strengths are in the arena?
"I have a number of strengths. First of all, I can paint with all the colors of the wind. As if that's not impressive enough, I know every rock and tree and creature AND the heron and the otter are my friends. Also, I can run the hidden pine trails of the forest. Have YOU ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon? Because I have."
Alright then, guess there will be no surprises from Team Pocahontas! So Ariel, we noticed that you're a little, how should we say this, "handi-capable" - I mean being half-fish is a definite disadvantage so how to you plan on overcoming this obvious obstacle?
"Well this all so, so sudden. I'm just hoping to keep my sea shells on! Maybe it'll be an ocean arena?"
One can hope, Ariel. So, our next question is for you, Jasmine. Do you have a plan set for the arena?
"I don't have to have a plan because I'm the daughter of the Sultan. Father will send me all the parachutes I need. Besides, I've been outside the palace walls now and Aladdin has shown me the world so I think I know everything there is to know."
Very confident, aren't we Jasmine? Now, for our canine viewers, let's go on over to Perdita. Perdita, how have you prepared for the trials of the hunger games?
Very interesting, indeed. And last but certainly not least, we have our lady from the far east, FA MULAN! Mulan, we're interested to know what qualities you think you think you possess that will help you compete in the games?
"I may not be a man, but I'm swift as the coursing river, with all the force of a great typhoon. I'm paler than the moon, with eyes that shine like stars, beef, pork, chicken, mmmm. I never want to see another naked man as long as I live. Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your cow! Think before you snack... ACT!"
Wow. Clearly we need a new translator.
So there you have it, folks. Those are just some of the highlights from the Opening Ceremonies. Personally, we think there are some dark horses in the competition so don't discount some of the mid-scoring tributes like Megara or Rapunzel. Remember, in the First Annual Disney Princess Hunger Games when you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are!
Remember to vote for your favorite tributes. Every vote counts and some of these girls could sure use the sponsors!
SO LET THE GAMES BEGIN!
... to be continued...